just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
