youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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