your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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