I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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