I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
