did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
