My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
