An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
