Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
