oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
even my farts smell like vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
