Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
