took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize