I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
