Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
