So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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