Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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