This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
