i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
