so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
