why didn't you poke me back
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
