After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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