How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
