Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
