next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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