She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
