On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
