I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There r osticjed everywhere
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
