I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
