hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize