I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
