He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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