I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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