The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
