Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can't motorboat a personality
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
