for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
