The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
