I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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