Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize