how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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