I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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