yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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