Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize