I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
