my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
