Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You took a bar mat shot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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