i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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