Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Randomize
