i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
