I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
