Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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