I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
