between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
