Can i not drive my cunt home
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
