So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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