drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
