dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
