I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
