Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.

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(636): View more from Missouri

A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

(917): View more from New York City

what kind of party is this?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the best kind ever

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(806): View more from Texas

We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.

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(518): View more from New York

Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!

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(860): View more from Connecticut

If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.

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(440): View more from Ohio

its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice

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(740): View more from Ohio

sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.

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