she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
