it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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