The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
