girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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