I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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