He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize