no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
