Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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