He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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