do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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