It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do herpes really smell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
