Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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