I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
