you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
