He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
