we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
