You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
