dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
