Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
