I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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