my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
