Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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