Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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