i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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