I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
