Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
