next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
