Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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