If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize