Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
