My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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