the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize