So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
