I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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