The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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