Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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