She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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