Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Randomize
