remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
