i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
