then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
