How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
