I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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