Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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